


Wrecked (destiel)

by carry_on_the_wayward_destiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_the_wayward_destiel/pseuds/carry_on_the_wayward_destiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Destiel fanfiction<br/>Very angsty and includes lyrics from the song 'underdog' by you me at six.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrecked (destiel)

**Author's Note:**

> This includes a lot of angst and is based off a song 'underdog' by Youmeatsix  
> In no way do I own supernatural or any of the characters from it!

\- - - (Castiel POV)

 

The night was still hazy, blurry as I sat waiting for him to return home. I felt betrayed. Worse than betrayed, I was broken.

 

I sat trembling, awaiting Dean's return. When I saw the door handle move slightly, I adjusted my position on the sofa so that I wasn't so visible in my shaking.

“Hey Cas.” He greeted me like usual.

“Dean,” I responded bluntly. I locked my eyes with his beautiful green ones and for once I didn't forgive him straight away. He moved his eyes to look down at his hands. “ _ **You must have ... the must have moment in your hands**_.”

Dean's eyes squinted and one of his eyebrows shot up making a bewildered expression. “Huh? Cas what are you talking about?”

“Nothing Dean.” Sighing exasperatedly, I added, “Why can't you just admit it? You can never change.”

“Look I dunno what you're talking about baby... I love you.”

“How many girls have you said that too? How many other guys?”

“Cassie you're my angel, my baby, my only.” He replied to me so simply, yet he wore that fake expression. If I knew him any less then I might have believed this false composure.

“Dean, you're lying. You said you'd change, however I caught you making out with that demon bitch Abbadon!”

“I – I – never. I said I'd change for you Cas, and I have.”

I frowned back at him, no he hasn't. “You have not, Dean. _**And it's sad to think that-”**_

“ _ **This season I'm gonna change**_...Cas I told you, I have never cheated.”

“Please Castiel... I love you, I have only ever been loyal. Please don't do this again. I promise I love you.”

“Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Either way Dean, I need someone faithful. I need to feel loved and cared for. I love you and I always will... maybe it will be better if it's _**just not face to face**_.” It killed me to say this, but I needed a steady relationship. I wished Dean could give me this, but after his affair with Lisa before I do not trust him any more.

“Cas, I'll fix you. I promised I would and I can. I can fix this... please.” Dean was begging me, he was breaking. Tears were gathering at the corners of my eyes, making my vision blurry as I watched Dean in this destroyed state. I wanted to make him better. It was even worse that I was the reason of his pain. But I had to go through with this.

“Dean, I love you. I do, but this,” I gestured between him and myself. “Never really was. _**It ain't broke**_ , Dean. It never needed to be fixed, _**so don't fix it**_.”

 

All I could hear were loud sobs coming from the other side of the room. I looked up to see Dean with a tear-struck face, his eyes red and puffy.

“Cas please...”

“You're an _**underdog**_ Dean,” I started and I felt so horrible. But Dean had broke me and I wanted him to feel what I do. “ _ **Just look at the mess you made**_.”

“I'm so sorry, Cas. Can I make it up to you. I'm a dick, _**it's such a shame**_ -” He took a step forward and I cut him off mid-sentence.

“Yes Dean. _**A shame, I had to find out this way.**_ ”

More broken cries could be heard, this time from me. Dean had now reached the sofa, he leant over and placed his hand on my cheek. “Shh, Cassie. I'm sorry. So sorry. Take your revenge... I won't stop you Cas, I won't. I won't get jealous. Just please give me a another chance.” He was admitting it. I knew I wasn't ill. The doctor's aren't right. I am. I don't have all these special names or diseases. I have proof I am right. I'm not paranoid as they say.

I tilted my head away so that he was forced to drop his hand. “ _ **Revenge loves company**_ Dean. But I do not wish to take it. You are the only one I will ever love. But I would rather leave you and have no one than to continue being hurt.” I know I'd said this before, but this time forgiveness is not an option. To forgive is for the weak. And I am strong. Dean quite literally crumbled in front of me. He fell to his knees and was sobbing at the floor.

“I'm so sorry. I should have learnt, Castiel. I should have learnt from last time. But I didn't. I need you Cas. You are the reason I am living.”

“Dean, you should know by now that _**three makes it a crowd**_. I've packed your bags and I would like you to go.” I managed to say this relatively calmly for the wrecked state I was inside.

I shoved his bags towards him and pushed him to the door.

“Don't come back.” It was sincere. I needed a clean break, I couldn't be left fractured.

“But I love you...” How much three words could break a grown man was unbelievable.

“ _ **Watch your mouth**_.” I knew that he would regret what he would go on to say and also he might actually be able to kill me with any more words. I pushed him out of the door, and closed it behind him. I slid down the side of the door, sitting with my knees tight to my chest and cried into my hands. I knew I just had to wait _**and sit this one out**_.

 

I pushed myself up from the floor hours later. My mind was so busy. I was meant for so much more than this pathetic life I was living. Maybe God loves me. Maybe he would let me live if it was meant to be... There were strong pills in the medicine cupboard that Dean kept. Painkillers. How many should I take? I don't know. It felt like hours of taking them in between gulps of whatever alcohol I could find. I felt like I was falling. _**And I'm down**_ on the floor.

I was _**down, but definitely not out**_. So I continued with my scheme, well at least God was fighting hard to keep me alive, maybe I was special. I knew it. Everyone told me I was ill and that I wasn't right. But I knew... Everything became dim and the world seemed to slow down. I am special.

 

\- - - (1 day later – Dean's POV)

 

I got a call early today. It must have been a hoax, but if it was then why am I here seeing this. Castiel. My Cas in a hospital bed. They are saying he's in a coma. A drug overdose. Cas wouldn't do that. I should never have left him.

 

The nurse came in and offered me a glass of water. I said no and she left with a polite smile. I sat there for most of the day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. I held Cas' hand. I remembered how things used to be, before he began to change. Our relationship used to be so effortless, he would laugh and smile and I would grin and chuckle. We had a good time. Until he would start acting strange. Getting suspicious every time I left the house. Accusing me of things I had never done. Sometimes he was on top of the world, other times he was so depressed. I consulted a doctor about his behaviour an he was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. How that one word changed my life. That one little thing. I wished to make Cas better, but I couldn't. And now this...

 

The nurse came back in then, interrupting my thoughts.

“Hi, Dean. Could I get you anything, tea or coffee?”

“ _ **Yeah**_ coffee sounds great thanks. _**Why did you call me again**_?” I asked, I knew it was a stupid question, she called me because Cas was like this. She stared at me blankly, obviously confused.

“I mean I know you called me because of... well because of... yeah. But why _me_?”

“We called Castiel's mother and she said that they don't even talk, but she gave us your number.”

“Oh,” It was the best answer I could think of. What was I expecting, Cas to suddenly come out of his coma, say my name and go back into it.

“Here's your coffee. Call me if you need anything else.” Then she left the room.

 

Cas I remember when we used to have plans about building our own little house. We used to want to add a touch of ourselves to make it ours.

“ _It would be beautiful, **I bet...I bet we don't make it.** ” _I would say.

“ _Yeah we will Dean.”_ He would reply simply.

He was always the optimistic one. When I first noticed a difference in my baby's behaviour. II confided in a college friend. He was training to become a doctor and labelled Cas with many names. He annoyed me, my angel wasn't a weird name thing. He was Castiel. I told him he was wrong, _**'cause I never take advice from my friends**_. Even if they are **_in very high places_**.

 

The machine next to me stopped it's bleeping then and continued in a monotone singular beep. It scared the shit out of me. The doctor came in then.

“Hey. Doc what's going on?”

No reply, just some mumbling from doctors to doctors. Why don't they ever tell anyone anything, _**they're only making bets to themselves**_. They don't care about me or about Cas, just about theeir reputation of how many deaths they can prevent. To them Cas' life is just a game and they've got to figure out to save it before the timer goes out. All they care about is their _**selves, they're very very selfish**_. Too bad they lost the game. The machine went quiet. I was shouting, but I wasn't sure what. I was thrashing, but I wasn't sure who at. Nothing was real.

In the distance I heard someone say,

“ _ **We'll keep you in mind**_ , we'll give you some time with him.”

What did any of it matter? What was my life worth? Nothing. Cas was gone. My heart was gone. My life was dead. Tears were streaming down my face. I walked out of the room. I saw something shiny out of the corner of my eye. The staffroom, there it was. I grabbed the object and without thinking stabbed it through my chest. It hurt, but I welcomed this pain. This pain was nothing compared to the agony of my tortured life. I held my chest as I crawled in pain back to the hospital room where Castiel lies. I lie with him. My eyelids are closing. Maybe we can be happy. I don't even care if there isn't an afterlife. I'd prefer to never have existed than to spend any life without Cas. My life was all about him. I finally figured it out. We were two halves of the same being. After all if you killed one, the other would have to be killed too. That's how it works. _**In the end**_.

 

_**Underdog,** _

_**Just look at the mess you made.** _

_**It's such a shame, a shame,** _

_**You had to find out this way.** _

_**Revenge loves company,** _

_**Three makes it a crowd.** _

_**So wash your mouth,** _

_**And sit this one out.** _


End file.
